Inevitably we find ourselves tackling too many things at the same time, spreading our focus so thin that nothing gets the attention it deserves. This is commonly referred to as “being busy.” Being busy, however, is not the same thing as being productive.
— Ryder Carroll The Bullet Journal Method
I’ve been working as a freelance (copy)writer intermittently for nearly 10 years. I successfully submitted several seminar papers as well as a 100 page diploma thesis on Vietnam War Literature over the course of my diploma program. Suffice to say that I’ve already completed some tasks that can be pretty daring at the outset even for the best of us — let alone someone who has a reminder to not forget her phone…on her phone. Someone who, in her best state of hyperfocus, will not only forget to eat but to pee. With painful consequences…
Starting with the positive, let’s get to the difficult side of this life of mine. I SEVERLY underestimated what working on a dissertation really means. Totally. Probably even for neurotypicals, but certainly for me. Working day jobs, freelance jobs, and on my academic projects, in two languages, all at the same time, requires a degree of overall organization I can only dream of. As I can also not afford a personal assistant, I have to rely on my own. Which is not a great option…
ADHD and me – a love story…
I was diagnosed with ADHD in my mid-twenties. Though I don’t like to hide behind my various issues (panic attacks, anxiety disorder, depression, extremely introverted, anyone?) this did indeed explain a lot. Most of the time I find it hard to focus on one thing (inattentive type); I can lose myself in hours of online research (hyperfocus; highly introverted; inattentive), reading about the least interesting topics ever (for everyone but me), but I cannot sit through a two-hour movie (or even a 50-min TV show) because it bores the shit out of me (no chance of active participation — inattentive type; hyperactive). I’m easily overwhelmed and/or bored by people (inattentive type; introverted) and prefer to be on my own or with a selected few.
I get some ideas for my work, jot it down and forget all about it the next minute, even forgetting WHERE I put the notes (non-existent working memory). I remind myself to write another blog post only to forget it just a minute later because I there is so much going on in my head that I am overwhelmed and just give up (again, non-existent working memory). I often thought (and sometimes still think) that this is all about procrastination and being unorganized and chaotic, but — as my therapist liked to say — this is rather about being a ‘special edition.’ Since I do not take any medication, it’s always just me and my hyperactive, multi-wired, all over the place fuzzybrain.
Which leads us back to the initial issue, namely how to organize myself without losing my mind… I desperately need some structure in my life, most importantly my academic and actual work life. For years I’ve been looking for some way to organize myself, my tasks, my appointments… I have not yet found a system that works, so I’m still waiting for a miracle…
Or could be: a bullet journal?
The Bullet Journal. Too good to be true?
Wonderguy started one and told me to give it a try because it could actually work. So I googled it (of course I went into hyperfocus and filled my mind with hours of bullet journal research on Pinterest, Instagram, Tumblr, and YouTube) and was taken aback by how much work many people — especially women — put in the artistic composition of their bullet journals. I’ve seen journals I would never actually use because they were too beautiful to just put some common information in it. Those journals were works of art and I loved the idea and execution. However, this does not work for me since my fuzzybrain would probably be too distracted with painting another elderflower in the left corner of May 12th on page 30. Yet I am grateful for the tons of inspiration I got — maybe I’ll need some of it in the future.
Also, it seemed so structured and organized (well, what a surprise!), it frightened me. I was afraid of not being able to organize myself with this system. I AM afraid of being too chaotic and unstructured to organize myself with any system. I suppose I’m looking forward to a future filled with post-its, lost notes in the corners of my life, and finding myself at the wrong place at the wrong time looking puzzled and surprised most of the time.
I guess I’ll give it a shot. It really can’t get much worse…I think. And I do own a healthy number of notebooks, I can spare one to substantiate my hopes in a more organized future…