“I guess there are never enough books.”
—John Steinbeck
Why ‘too many’ and not just ‘enough?’
Right now I’m reading six books at the same time — different books for different moods, different mindsets, different levels of mental capacity. Me being the fuzzybrainy mood reader that I am, this does not work out very well. Thus, it does not look like I’m about to finish a single one of those books anytime soon apart from Marie Kondo’s The life-changing magic of tidying up (which I’m only rereading because I’m eager to make progress on my decluttering/discarding journey and hope to get some additional inspiration regarding the sparks of joy I was looking out for). Apart from that, it will be pure reading chaos for several more weeks to come.
Well hello old friend – ADHD and me
Why am I reading so many books at once when I know that this usually is not the smartest way to reduce my tbr-pile? Mainly because my ADHD seems to escalate right now and since I don’t take any medication, I have to find alternative ways and mechanisms to cope with this situation. Which is fine, and I’m used to the occasional escalation of my brain situation; still, I tend to write about the good, the bad, and the ugly when it comes to living (and reading) with mental health issues and ADHD, so here we are. Welcome to the shit show in which I annoy myself to such a degree that I feel the need to whine about it online…
Just these six?
Anyway, so I’m reading six books right now, but that’s of course not all, because that alone wouldn’t be fun. Additionally, I’m also currently working my way through a collection of papers and books for my dissertation — yes, once again back on track, the never-ending saga continues. Which is a bit much, to say the least. And may also be part of the reason why I feel the need to distract myself with five different non-academic books as an offset.
Reading a lot about war, violence, terrorism, post-colonialism, and issues related to it — in addition to my day job as a copywriter — makes me crave for light reading in my spare time. Being a mood reader is not helpful in times like these, as my mood can change faster than I turn a page. Thus, it’s no wonder I’m in the middle of multiple books while at the same time constantly forgetting what I’ve already read thanks to my good ole’ fuzzybrain.
Having fun with more than one…
The most challenging of them all, regarding its size, is a collection of short stories about female sleuths throughout the history of detective/crime fiction, Otto Penzler’s The Big Book of Female Detectives. It is a huge volume (1.000+ pages) with small font and VERY thin paper, so I’m not sure if I will ever finish it in this lifetime BUT I’m quite sure I will not finish it in the coming weeks. Being a collection of short stories, there’s no need to rush through it, yet I do love a finished book, no matter if it’s a novel, non-fiction, or a collection of stories. I will keep you posted when/if I ever finish this one…Might take some time.
Finishing a book *someday* will be easier with some of my other reads, like Dodie Smith’s I capture the castle, another short story collection called Blood on the tracks. Railway Mysteries, or my current non-fiction reads. All of them reflect my need for organization, calm, and a to-do list already completed. Obviously I haven’t yet found solace in any one of the three books — Mari Kondo, Sarah Knight’s Get your Sh*t together, and Corinne Sweet’s Anxiety Journal (which is actually a collection of exercises to help with anxiety) — so I bounce between them, getting as far as I feel interested in and switching to the next in hope of inspiration, relief, and distraction.
Things change (all the time)
I recently quit one of my two jobs, meaning that I now have a lot more time on my hand while at the same time enjoying a feeling of stability and structure I hadn’t had in ages. Therefore, it feels that the world is my oyster right now, and I’m in the process of picking up my academic endeavors where I left them months ago — one of the main reasons I quit my second job in the first place. However, I still feel a bit overwhelmed by leading such a stable and calm life, not rushing from one place to the next, stumbling through days structured by external circumstances.
This may be one reason why I can’t focus on one or two books right now, and it may also be the main reason my ADHD fuzzybrain feels completely bonkers. (Another reason could be a little family emergency that is still lingering about, though nothing tragic, thankfully) Since I learned to tackle my issues when shit hits the fan and there’s a lot going on, I now have to strengthen my ADHD muscles in regards to organizing myself and developing habits when my days are rather structured in regard to my job. I’ll find my way.
What now?
As I said before, one of the books I’m reading right now is Mari Kondo. Over the last two years I’ve discovered that the idea of minimalism is not just a convenient trend in a (Western) world increasingly overwhelmed by consumerism BUT also works wonders for my ADD — less stuff, less clutter, less dramalamadingdong. So while I’m really enthusiastic about getting rid of my stuff, I also know I have to prepare myself the best way possible for discussions with my inner post-war grandchild* (“I don’t need it now but I COULD use it SOMEDAY and I got it from *insert deceased relative here* so I’m not sure I can be such a heartless bitch and really throw it away, can’t we find some place to store it until we can use it SOMEDAY??”) and that’s why I’m rereading Kondo. May her joy spark some motivation and work wonders…
With all that said, what is the conclusion of this rather messy post?
I will finish Mari Kondo’s book.
I will proceed with my academic reading ‘plan’.
I will add the occasional short-story from the female detectives book for the next 30 years until a) I can’t decipher the small print any longer or b) the thin pages eventually pulverize.
I will read some more, maybe quitting one book while taking up another. You know the story.
It will get better, quieter, more organized (again) eventually. It always does.
*Growing up at my grandparents’ blessed me with an interesting mix of contradictory positions on topics like money, property, and why you should always cover your kidney area even when crop tops are A MUST.