It’s a new year and we are encouraged to make a new start. Friends, family, and pretty much the whole internet demonstrates some serious motivation regarding new year’s resolutions. That’s nice, and inspiring. But I know myself better than that — a lot of us do.
I hate Christmas, but I love the new year — not necessarily because of this inherent feeling of starting anew, all fresh and sober(ed up) and willing to make the best of the coming 12 months. I love the new year because it means last year’s merry shitmas is over and this year’s merry shitmas is still really far away. Combined with the “start anew”-theme this feels wonderful 🙂
Can it get better now?
A few weeks ago I attended a conference at Columbia University. It was interesting, frightening, awful, and inspiring all at once. It was also (hopefully) the climax of a really shitty episode of depression, anxiety, medication and all the other neat little shit that comes with something like that. Which means that finally, after nearly two years of good intentions that paved the way to my personal hell of frustration, I am ready to get back to work on my dissertation, like, actual WORK.
One main reason for this important step in the supposedly right direction is my fear of not finishing it at all. There will always be a job “I could fit in, after all it’s good money.” Since my dissertation is a sort personal project — not working for any university or cooperating with institutions or the like — paid work always comes before academic work, even if it’s not that important at the given moment.
Right now, my monetary situation is okay so I can afford some serious academic work sessions. It’s my fourth year in this project, my sixth since I started this PhD — meaning it took me two years to finish all courses AND find the right material to work with — and it’s about time to continue working on it more seriously, otherwise it may die the slow death of a passion project being sacrificed on the altar of modern capitalist delusions.
Get better…back on track
Furthermore, I got and get a lot of support, especially in recent months. Wonderguy is constantly looking for the right tools for me to find a smooth and distraction-free work space and flow — yes, my ADHD fuzzybrain is a curse (distraction!, exhaustion!, irritability!, failing to prioritize!, decision fatigue!) and blessing (hyperfocus!, improvisation skills!, self-awareness!) — and even got me a word processor that smoothly sync with all my other programs and devices, making my (work) life much easier.
And while I’m not necessarily a huge geek regarding apps, phones and tablets, the iPad I got from my uncle works on a whole different level. Again, Wonderguy helped me setting it up and getting the best apps for my needs and I have to say I LOVE it. It’s huge, it got a pen, reading, highlighting and taking notes is so much faster and easier. It’s also fun, even just working with it is fun and it sure makes me a bit more enthusiastic about my work.
I never thought I would be THAT enthusiastic about a hightech gadget like this, but the iPad has already made some stuff a lot easier, and I just hope this enthusiasm in regard to the gadget itself as well as all the ways in which I can use it will also have an impact on the actual task of writing the thesis. The paperless office feels really good, which is a strange thing to say for someone like me who loves nothing more than a good notebook a pack of post-its. But hey, you live and you learn and I love to discover new ways of handling life and work — digital as well as analogue.
So here’s to a new year’s resolution: get shit done!
And what’s your plan?