Two weeks ago Wonderguy and I took our little kitty to the vet (more precisely, we took her to the emergency service and then to ‘our’ vet) because we thought she had a really ugly cold.
It turned out she did not have a cold but a pulmonary edema, with possibly even more fluid in her thorax area as well. There was nothing they could do. She was breathing like a 90-year-old chain smoker and it would have gotten worse within the next few hours and days. She already suffered from a chronic illness and was 14 years old, it was clear that the inevitable was just a question of time. But we were lucky for so long. Several times before, we had to bring her to the vet not sure if we would take her home with us again. It always worked out…
She got antibiotics daily and pain medication regularly for nearly a year, she was a fighter – we thought this could go on forever, or at least for another few months. She always pulled through, fought and won, was our strong little MacGyver kitty.
Saying goodbye
This time it was different. She was tired, I could see that when we were driving to the vet. Instead of panicking and trying to get out of her box, she just laid down and looked at me. The emergency doc said “She knows.” I’m sure she did, she was a clever little cat. We, however, did not.
We had no choice but to let her go. On a Tuesday two weeks ago we lost our little furry love. And I never thought it would hurt so much. Naive little me, who had never lived with a pet before, thought one could prepare for something like that, thought that by knowing she was already sick and wouldn’t ‘live forever,’ I would be prepared when the inevitable came. How wrong I was…
People who never shared their life with a pet may not understand that losing your furry family member means ‘losing a loved one.’ I certainly did not know until it happened to me. The apartment feels quite empty. A sort of body memory suggests to pet and cuddle a lovely little being that is just not there anymore. I’m still not used to the fact that I only have to feed myself now. Something’s missing. Someone’s missing.
But it’s getting better with every day that passes — time doesn’t heal shit but it helps you to get used to the change … good-bye my little love ♥
