Welcome to an update on how my bullet journal is not working for me…
For a few months now I’ve been trying to make the concept of bullet journaling happen for me and so far it did not work out as I had hoped. More often than not I simply don’t have it with me to jot down an idea or thought — similarly, I remember that I should do something, though I can’t for the life of me remember what this something is and I also cannot simply look it up in my bujo because a) I don’t know where it is right now and/or b) I didn’t take a note regarding this ‘something’ in the first place.
Safe to say that this is probably not how it is done…
No holy grail of organizing?
I’ve already written about starting a bullet journal in the high hopes that this might improve my ADHD fuzzybrain. So far, it hasn’t worked out that well. I set it up according to Ryder Carroll’s video and followed several other recommendations I found all over the internet/YouTube. I added lists (‘collections’) where I jot down ideas, inspirations, important things, and more. I also have a section for “Blog IDEAS” as well I “everyday recipes” (because I have a hard time remembering what to cook), “sewing projects,” several to-do lists, and similar pages in my bullet journal.
Some I even tried to organize, using sticky notes and washi tape to make them stand out and easy to find (if I don’t find something within the first seconds of remembering to look for it, it may as well be lost in outer space because I will simply forget about the whole thing — also known as the good old ‘out of sight, out of mind’ ADHD working memory issue). Still, unlike the notes and tape I don’t stick to it. I forget, I don’t act, nothing happens. Even with this oh so glorified bullet journal, I’m not capable of organizing myself.
Of course I am to blame — a bullet journal can only work as well as the one who created it utilizes it. I chose an A5-sized notebook, which is fairly easy to work with as a sort of homemade calendar and planner, but it obviously does not fit in every single bag I own. And I found out over the last few months that this journal works shit for me if I do not carry it everywhere I go — literally. Only then will I be able to get myself to use it daily, use it every time I need it.
It’s part organization, part soul-searching, part dream-weaving.
— Ryder Carroll The Bullet Journal Method
Sounds so simple, doesn’t it? You will be a better, less chaotic, more stable and organized person when you just switch your f*cking diary to a more workable size. Great, isn’t it?
Back to start
I will go on trying and optimizing and hoping for the best. I know that it’s not actually a question of size (it never is), but also a quest for discipline. For everything that might be even slightly helpful to get all my plans and goals on track again. Getting some structure in your everyday life when handling two to three jobs, freelance stuff and still trying somehow to accomplish a dissertation is exhausting and seems impossible, at least for me. But I will go on, and it will work out somehow, eventually. Because, looking back, it always did. But on this path of “it will all work out,” it never felt as hard as it has for weeks, months, the last one and a half years…
I already own a smaller notebook. Now I only have to convince my inner postwar child (thanks, granny!) to waste a perfectly good, half-used notebook for the sake of trying something slightly different. If you had any clue how strict I am with myself regarding unnecessary escapades, you would know how difficult this will be….
For now I will quit whining and move on to optimizing and hoping. Much more fun 🙂