On Losing and Missing

431837989_22045.jpg

Mea culpa, I always plan to write more regularly and then something happens and off I am with my mind, focus, and concentration. The last few months were great regarding my reading (and in some way also my thesis work), so I’m actually looking forward to quite some books and stuff to write about here; but then there’s always this thing called ‘life’ throwing stuff at you that at times is hard to work with…

Two weeks ago Wonderguy and I took our little kitty to the vet (more precisely, we took her to the emergency service and then to ‘our’ vet) because we thought she had a really ugly cold.
It turned out she did not have a cold but a pulmonary edema, with possibly even more fluid in her thorax area as well. There was nothing they could do. She was breathing like a 90-year-old chain smoker and it would have gotten worse within the next few hours and days. She already suffered from a chronic illness and was 14 years old, it was clear that the inevitable was just a question of time. But we were lucky for so long. Several times we took her to the vet not sure if we would take her home with us again. She got antibiotics daily and pain medication regularly for nearly a year, she was a fighter – we thought this could go on forever, or at least for another few months. She always pulled through, fought and won, was our strong little MacGyver kitty.
This time it was different. She was tired, I could see that when we were driving to the vet and instead of panicking and trying to get out of her travelbox, she just laid down and looked at me. The emergency doc said “She knows.” I’m sure she did, she was a clever little cat. We, however, did not.
We had no choice but to let her go. On a Tuesday two weeks ago we lost our little furry love. And I never thought it would hurt so much. Naive little me, who had never lived with a pet before, thought one could prepare for something like that, thought that by knowing she was already sick and wouldn’t ‘live forever,’ I would be prepared when the inevitable came. How wrong I was …

So my reading/mood obviously took a turn for the worse throughout the last two weeks. My weary mind could not focus on reading a book. I started Possession by A.S. Byatt shortly before our Kitty left us and I took me a while to get through the book even though I really liked it. After all, it’s not Ms Byatt’s fault that we lost our furry family member.

But it’s getting better with every day that passes – time doesn’t heal shit but it helps you to get used to the change … good-bye my little love ♥

430408317_68963.jpg

2 thoughts on “On Losing and Missing

  1. I’m sorry for your loss. This is one I learned all too well a few years ago..and I did not take it well. My heart can’t help but love every kitty I take in and I know that I will be heart broken when they leave me, but at least I have the knowledge that they could not have had a better or more loving life while they were here.

    Like

    • Thank you for your kind words!!! I still miss her and there are still times I shed a few tears thinking of her…
      We will adopt two kitties in fall, and as much as I look forward to it, I also know it will not be the same and I don’t want to think about what may happen in the future… As you put it so beautifully: the main thing is to give them all our love and a wonderful life as long as they are with us…

      Liked by 1 person

Leave a Reply

Please log in using one of these methods to post your comment:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s